Bravado
by SuperKateB
Summary: In the five years she's been with Major Case Squad, Alex Eames has never lost hold on her bravado. At least, not until now.


**Bravado  
****A Law & Order: Criminal Intent Fanfiction  
****Written by Kate "SuperKate" Butler**

One of the beautiful idiosyncrasies of being one of only a few females associated with New York's Major Case Squad, as far as she was concerned, was the relative privacy of the women's restroom there. A tiny, single-stall room with dingy lighting and a single, rust-stained sink, it often felt like a private retreat from the hustle, bustle, and testosterone that riddled her days as MCS's premiere female detective.

But today, it served an entirely new purpose. The faucet dripped once very few seconds, a hollow, echoing ping against the stained ceramic. The naturally dim lighting fixture, its single bulb nearly dead, flickered idly as she leaned against the cold metal framing of the stall and stared at her own, shadowed reflection in the mirror.

In five years with Major Case, she'd seen every act of human depravity she'd been warned against in the police academy. Rape, murder, kidnapping, abuse, assault, grand theft, selfishness, evil... She'd filled booking forms for the perpetrators of some of the most gut-wrenching cases New York City had to offer, and all with a straight face. The nuns at her Catholic school when she was a girl had drilled her on her seven deadly sins: greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, pride, sloth. Then, they'd been words to memorize before graduation. Now, these abstract terms were real and she interacted with them on a daily basis.

Her mother, always admonishing, had wagged her finger at her second daughter. "It's enough to make anyone sick!" she'd scolded, clucking her tongue. "I don't see how you stomach these crimes, Lexi."

She'd wrinkled her nose and sighed. "You get used to it," she eventually shrugged, when a better answer evaded her. "And then, it just doesn't bother you anymore."

That, of course, had been before this case. The case itself, on paper, was nothing that extraordinary; a scorned divorced mother, angry and bitter, had kidnapped her daughter from her ex-husband's home and brutally beaten the little girl before dumping her in the Hudson River. All evidence pointed directly to the mother, and they'd tried to catch her in a lie in interrogation.

They'd shown her the pictures. They'd played video footage from the child's recent birthday. They'd reminded the woman that this was her daughter, her skin pulled back from the bone in the rough waters of the Hudson, her skull crushed in, her arms and legs broken. This poor soul, this deceased child… It had been her baby.

The mother never blinked.

Any other day, with any other case, she would have been able to stomach the mother's cold-hearted reaction and continued on with the interrogation as planned, playing the bad cop to Bobby's deep-running good-nature and attempting her very best to talk down the soccer-mom-turned-murderer. Of course, on any other day, she wouldn't have been coming back from celebrating her nephew's birthday, full of cake and joy. On any other day, she wouldn't have just been talking to her sister about when she was going to settle down and raise her own family. On any other day, she wouldn't have spent her time reviewing the case before interrogation wondering what would have happened if those few disciplinary slaps her mother had doled out in her youth had ever escalated into something more serious.

And so, she'd fled to the bathroom, to her haven away from the other detectives' watching eyes, and allowed herself tears for the first time in five years.

Her bleary eyes were still peering at her reflection – more wrinkled and exhausted as she remembered her face being that morning, the lines set deeply around her lips and eyes – when a soft knock sounded at the door.

"Eames?" Bobby's voice was quiet and riddled with concern. "You… You okay?"

A drop of water plunked into the basin, and she forced the smallest of smiles. "Yeah," she replied, pulling a handful of paper towel from the dispenser and hastily wiping her eyes. "My lunch didn't sit well, that's all. Last time I order the meatless Ruben."

She could hear him shuffling around on the other side of the door. "Oh. Well… Carver, he wants to talk. He thinks we should plea her out, even on a not guilty. He doesn't like the idea. You know, of prosecuting a mother."

Dabbing away the last of the dampness around her eyes, she forced a wry smile to cross her lips. Most of her sparse makeup had smeared away and, somehow, she felt naked even while fully clothed. "Well, then, let's talk," she stated, tossing the paper towel and throwing open the door. Bobby, fingers wriggling as they tended to do, was waiting patiently outside, and he smiled warmly down at her. "I'm not going to argue with Carver." He continued to smile, and she rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you will, though."

He chuckled, and she allowed him the benefit of one small smile. Five years as partners, five years of cases, and still, he couldn't read her well enough to tell that she'd been crying. Of course, perhaps that was because she never cried. Major Case detectives were not allowed to cry. Even when shaken, their duty was to pick up the pieces and press forward, full of bravery and, when bravery failed outright, bravado.

And if there was one thing Alexandra Eames had learned in five years, it was bravado.

**Fin.**

Standard Disclaimer: Law & Order: CI and all related characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm neither. Sorry to disappoint you all.

Author's Notes: I love the thought of Alex finally showing some weakness and being effected by a case. I'm not sure why I like it so much, but I do. So, I wrote about it. Shaken for the first time. Poor girl.

Also, Alex's mother is a character I like to use, even though she's never appeared on the show. I'm very enamored by the thought of Alex having an over-involved mother. Go figure.

Reviews and such are always welcome. Thanks for reading!

May 13, 2005  
8:39 p.m.


End file.
